Blog Post: “The Ugly Truth About ADHD and Lying”.Read This: Neutralize Chronic Shame by Understanding Its Source.This happens so I don’t get into trouble or look incapable of keeping up.” -Anonymous Compulsive Lying and ADHD: Next Steps “Lying is sometimes covering up for a deficit, like did you do ‘xyz?’ I respond ‘yes’ when really, I haven’t. I get tired of having to apologize to everyone or, worse, being seen as my usual ‘ditzy airhead’ self.” – Anonymous “I sometimes tell a white lie or make up an excuse when I’m late or I’ve missed a deadline or appointment. Maybe I feel people will take what I’m saying more seriously, maybe because it just sounds more exciting.” – Anonymous I don’t know why, but I’ve done this my whole life. For example, if I’m telling a story and something happened three times, I’ll say it happened four times. I hold onto conflict way too long.” – Suzy This is my learned solution for avoiding conflict over stuff that could cause more fighting and disagreements. Not about important stuff but little stuff that shouldn’t matter. It’s actually X.’ Then I follow with, ‘I don’t know why I said that.’” – Ashley On some occasions, the impulsive lie slips out for no apparent reason, and I clarify, ‘Wait. To maintain the lie that I was right all along, I stick with it and say nothing. “More often than not, it’s an impulsive blurt based on doing or saying something wrong or imperfectly. Because my ADHD causes me to look at every angle, it seems normal to move in and out of ‘truths’ just to keep things interesting.” – Anonymous “ I embellish because it makes the story more interesting. But that’s how I stay true to myself.” – Beth I am sometimes too honest to the point of being impolite. It is not worth the effort to lie and, more importantly, it feels bad. Somewhere along my journey, I realized lying is too hard to keep up with, especially when you have ADHD. “I lied all the time as a youth to get away with things, receive attention, or seem more interesting. I no longer lie, and I no longer feel stupid. In a bid to hide my shame, I made up lies. These constant failings felt like they could only be my own fault. I could only perceive them as a result of my own (self-proclaimed) stupidity. When you are undiagnosed and unaware of your ADHD, the symptoms are inexplicable. “I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 55. It doesn’t keep the axe from falling - it just postpones it for a while.” – Anonymous It’s like a fantasy ‘get out of jail free’ card. “I tend to ‘stretch the truth’ when I feel backed into a corner, or when I’m aware that my actions (or failure to act) have screwed things up, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet. I wish I could just agree to disagree with my ‘accuser.’” – Becky I know it’s a defense mechanism, deeply rooted in past experiences. “As an adult with ADHD, I lie when confronted with a potential fault in my character. After therapy, and taking my medication regularly, it became clear that I was not only lying to make people like me, but to like myself more, too.” – Anonymous As I got older and my lies were caught, I began to see the adverse effect. I believe it was a way for me to cope, and even if it wasn’t working, I began to believe what I said. Lying conserves my precious energy reserve.” – Diane Coming up with a quick-and-easy response requires less energy than processing my thoughts about the question, and organizing an articulate response. I am explaining the reasons for lying, not excusing it.” – Kathleen When you’re diagnosed at 60, the lies are so entrenched in your fabric of being, it’s very difficult to put the coping mechanism of lying to bed. Lying is a massive coping strategy to help overcome years of believing negative stuff about yourself. “As someone with ADHD who has been criticized, belittled, invalidated, etc., lying becomes a part of your existence that covers up the ‘bad,’ ‘thick,’ ‘lazy’ person you think you are. Share your stories about ADHD and lying in the Comments section below. Here, ADDitude readers tell us when and why they tend to stretch, embellish, or disregard the truth, and how it makes them feel. But almost always, lying leads to feelings of shame and remorse in adults with ADHD. Sometimes, it is an impulse that the ADHD brain simply can’t control. Sometimes, it is the sympathetic nervous system’s natural response to danger. Sometimes, it is a useful (though often regrettable) defense mechanism.
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